I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
