You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
