Betty ford says i'm here all night
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
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