I wish I only lived at night.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
