I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
