I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
