I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
