You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
