btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
this boner is exhausting
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
