matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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