So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize
