the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Randomize
