Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Randomize
