i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
