So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
