she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
She told me I should be a condom model.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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