saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
