I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
