I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
