so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
