i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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