you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
