She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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