I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
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I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
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I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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