That's intense
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
