I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
