fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
