Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
