It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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