tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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