i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
