Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
