Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Randomize
