I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
