I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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