yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
