Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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