I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
