what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Randomize
