if only i could text you this smell
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
