I wanna bring you to show and tell
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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