sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
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