I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
