I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
So much Jack, so little girl.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
