then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
