I only kidnapped one of them. chill
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
