woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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