The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
