Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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