when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
