she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
