what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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