just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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