You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Randomize
