3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Randomize
