i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
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