I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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