He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
