We should be called the Road Head Warriors
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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