I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize