You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
