My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
