the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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