There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
