i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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