I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
