Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
