did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
