oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
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