im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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