I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
