I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I want to make a zoo with you.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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