2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I would fuck him just for his dog
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